brought to you by the letters ME

One step forward, two steps back. The harder I try the worse it gets, like a sinkhole threatening to suck the life right out of me. Shut up and look pretty, no matter how I fought it, I still ended up giving in to it in the end - always. Betraying my own sense of well-being and despising myself for it.
On the outside I appear to have it all figured out. Strong willed, heard headed, fearless, and yes part of the time just plain stupid is the actuality of it all. Don't be fooled by appearances.
Oh the advice I give to others is ever-wise and meaningful. "be true to yourself, never settle for less than you deserve, etc.. etc..". Meanwhile, I drown in a sinkhole of self hatred and sabotage. I pretty much always give in to things I shouldn't, and never even try for things I should, always making justifications and excuses for why I keep holding on to the things that will do nothing good in my life.
Why do we find it so much more exciting to build a house in a sinkhole instead of on solid ground?
Note to self: Girl, grow a damn backbone and be true to yourself for god's sake! It isn't too late to take a stand in this war with yourself and say that this isn't how your story will be told. Stop screaming for someone to let you out of the room, the door is unlocked, let yourself out
Note to the people in this world who stand firm in your wish for my happiness and still stand by me even when you're shaking your head and wanting to choke me, over and over and over again. And especially the ones who love me enough to tell me what I don't want to hear but need to. You freakin' rock, it's just that simple.
Note to the people in this world who are all too happy to let me allow you to keep shoveling quicksand on top of me (and yes it's me that allows you - not you in control): This day is brought to you by "It's all about me now", so please don't stand in front of me or yank my arm out of it's socket as I make my way down the road to happiness. I'd hate to have to mow you over, you son of a bitches...

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