note to self

What does it mean when you only allow yourself to love or desire the unlovable, undesirable, unattainable, unrecognizable, unavailable...? What do you do when it's been that way since the day you were born and you only just now realize it? How is it that you have let your life become that of  "one of those women" whom you loathe, who think that's all they're worth, whether consciously or sub-consciously? Why do you always pass up every single solitary thing that is good and right and healthy and beautiful, all for the opposite of such. Why must you lead your own self down the road to nowhere and nothing every single minute of your life. 


Do you cling to what you can never have as a way to cling to emptiness, all things sad and miserable? Because it's in that sadness that you find beauty, in some fucked up kind of way? Or is it so you can continue to feel sorry for yourself every time you get the same screwed up results from the same screwed up choices?

Just an F.Y.I. you stupid stupid girl... There is beauty in all things, INCLUDING happiness. It is okay to love the lovable, desirable, attainable, recognizable, available.... Go on, give it a go, can't hurt you more than you've already hurt yourself now can it?


Jimmy said...

How do you come up with these things?? I likes!!!!

Anonymous said...

Take it easy on yourself...we are all creatures of habit and we do what is familar even if it is uncomfortable, painful, regretable, etc... it's what we know and it's often easier than doing the unknown and unfamilar. So give it a go we got your back :)